No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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