i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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