6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
