dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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