dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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