the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize