im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
