bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
