Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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