My Higher Power is John Stamos
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
