I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
