dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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