Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
