were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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