i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
