I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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