Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
