No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
