I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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