Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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