He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
