don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
