im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
