just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
