he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
