Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
