Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
