You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
