Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
