college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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