when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
