So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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