she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
