His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
