Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
