We won't sleep together?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize