you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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