you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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