i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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