in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
