Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I sprained my soul last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
