Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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