We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
