Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
