how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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