I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
