there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
