im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
