Im at strip club and am horny
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
