we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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