I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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