I can text with my tongue
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
