yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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