I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
