I was born with a shot glass in my hand
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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