bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
