Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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