you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i've created a new STD.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
