we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
