Don't you send me to vm
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize