Moan for me like Helen Keller
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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