Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want a musical about memes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
