i think my tv is drunk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
