Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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