her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
