Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
