JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
