i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
